"I have this under control."

The other day, I took Jonathan, Stephen and Andrea to the park. Andrea wanted to swing and asked me to push her. After a few minutes, she said, "Okay, you don't have to push me anymore," then in a very big-girl tone for a 5-year-old, "I have this under control." I nearly fell over laughing as she continued in her sing-song voice, "I have it under control. I don't need help. I can do it." (Okay, maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny at the moment.) A few minutes later, I looked over and she was swinging all over the place on her belly. Grinning, she said, "It's more fun this way."

Later that night, I started thinking about how often I do that with God. So many times I ask Him to lead me (or push me, in some cases) in the direction He wants me to go. But when I think it's going well enough that I can handle it, I say (whether consciously or subconsciously), "Okay, You don't have to push me anymore. I have this under control." Then, even though He knows I can't really handle it, just as I knew Andrea couldn't really keep herself swinging, He lets me do it on my own. For a while I may relish my new-found "control" over my own life. Soon, however, I find my self swinging on my stomach completely out of control and nearly falling out on my head. Still, I'm too proud to admit that I can't do it alone, so I desperately try to convince myself that "It's more fun this way." Though I have no doubt that it really was more fun for Andrea swinging that way, when I get to that place, it isn't fun at all, but rather it is my last ditch effort to try to stay in the driver's seat of my own life.

Why? Why do I, clueless and incapable as I am, try so desperately over and over to control my own life when I know good and well that I can't? I don't really know; I guess it's just human nature to want to be in control. I think one of the most difficult parts of following Christ is to obey the command of James 4:7, "Submit yourselves, then, to God." As hard as it is to do that, though, I think that if/when we finally do get there we will find that swinging when He's pushing us is much, much more pleasant than swinging every which-a-way on our bellies trying to keep ourselves going. Though we will still be swinging back and forth between trials and easy times, joy and pain, spiritual mountaintops and spiritual valleys, there will still be that strong, steady Hand at our back, pushing us gently on through it all. How much better is that than going through all those same things, only swinging out of control with no comforting Hand at all?

I pray that this week we may all give the control of our lives back to our Father; then, though our circumstances may not change, may we rest in the fact that He is there, He is in control, He loves us and He has a plan for us. I love having a God that won't push us so hard that we can't hang on, or at least if He does, He'll be there on the other side to catch us.

Now, if I can just remember all of this when I wake up in the morning. :-)